


The Final Stage is Acceptance... Or is it the First?

by DeantheUnicorn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Canon, Episode: s11e23 Alpha and Omega, First Kiss, First Time, Fix-It, M/M, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, confession time, kinda angsty, spoilers 11x23
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 11:51:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7314127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeantheUnicorn/pseuds/DeantheUnicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"My name is Dean Winchester. I'm an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and-"</p><p>....punchline time, buddy.</p><p>Shut up.</p><p>"...frisky women."</p><p>Not the first time, won't be the last. Get over yourself.</p><p>Go to hell.</p><p>Planning on it.</p><p>Fuck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Final Stage is Acceptance... Or is it the First?

"My name is Dean Winchester. I'm an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and-"

_....punchline time, buddy._

_Shut up._

"...frisky women."

Not the first time, won't be the last. Get over yourself.

_Go to hell._

_Planning on it._

_Fuck._

So Dean wasn't completely up front about his...interests. Who the hell was these days? It hadn't really gotten in the way. His entire life had been spent on the road, bouncing from one hotel to the next, and the only person in his life who would really care knew him well enough to not ask too many questions. Exactly what he wanted.

Until he realized it was all gonna end. There's a big difference between facing the possibility of death everyday and knowing exactly when that clock would run out. The mind starts playing tricks and working in overdrive, reminding him of all the things he'd never do, the things he'd never experience. And eventually, acceptance sets in. A sort of inner calm that he would die without those things, and that's ok.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thirty years of acceptance can make a man bitter. Or maybe it was the twenty-four hour torture. It didn't matter, somewhere along the line Dean forgot what the fucking point was anyway. This was eternal. There's no escaping it. And he knew he damn well didn't deserve it. So fuck it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well this was unexpected, to say the least. Being plucked out of hell and popped into a box six feet under all brand shiny fuckin new was one thing, but angels? God? Lucifer? The fuckin apocolypse? And he was supposed to save everyone? Dean Winchester? The same Dean Winchester who not long enough ago was torturing countless miserable fucks in the pit?

_No, that's just- that's insane!_

But for some very questionable reason, this dorky weapon of heaven in a monkey suit and oversized trench coat had faith in him. Having faith in Dean for any reason was enough to make him suspicious. There just seemed to be something Cas could see in him that he knew couldn't possibly be there. Like he could see straight to Dean's soul. To be fair, he is an angel, and did grab him from the pit and reset his body to factory settings, so of course he had seen his soul. Still have him the heebie jeebies when Cas looked at him like that. And that damn head tilt! Stop that!

He was endearing, in a holy WMD sort of way. The vessel wasn't half bad either, when Dean ignored the whole "vessel" part. The hair, the eyes, the lips, the crinkles in his nose when he was confused. The way he never changed his clothes and that damn tie was always crooked.

Having a crush wasn't something Dean was terribly used to. He had never hung around long enough for it to become a problem. So this was new territory, and he didn't like it. Girls were easy. Even the occasional guy was no big deal for one, Dean Winchester.

_But this is an angel of the freakin lord._

_This is Cas._

And acceptance had dug it's way in deep. Bitterness had taken root. He had gotten yet another ride out of death's grip, literally ripped from hell this time, but he had turned the engine off and just never bothered to start it back up again. What was the point? In his line of work, it was only a matter of time. Well, technically the time had come and gone so many times he lost count, but eventually....

Instead, it was Sam. Dean gave up. Cas left. Then Sam came back, and Dean barely got back on his own two feet before it was Cas. All things considered, he was holding up pretty well, in his opinion. Then Cas was back and sacrificing his sanity for Sam. Of course, Sam's condition was on his hands but fuck, does it ever stop?

_Apparently not!_

A year of purgatory, some brainwashing, tablets, prophets, falling angels, a dying brother, heaven wars, knights of hell, the god damn mark of Cain, God's fucking sister, Lucifer, and to top it all off with a big fat fuckin cherry, Chuck! Is this even life anymore?

Pulling himself up off the floor, contemplating all of his life's decisions as he looks down at none other than God himself, lying in a crumpled, broken heap, he honestly can't figure out how he made it to this point. It all started so long ago and just kept rolling downhill, gaining momentum. The world was ending and God was dying.

_Cas. Dammit Cas. Fuck. I swear, I'm gonna torch that bitch, stupid fucking bond or not, I am going to rip that bitch-_

"Dean?"

"Cas?"

_Holy fucking Jesus Christ thank you!_

_Breathe you sap, jeez._

_Fuck off._

_Don't you have more important things to worry about right now? God dying? World ending? Psycho sister God in the wind?_

After the strangest congregation of supernatural beings Earth has likely ever seen, the votes are in. Yeah, the world is ending and everyone's just supposed to sit on their asses and wait it out. No research, no lore, no weapons, just watching God die.

Dean's not so keen on that plan. Drinking would probably make it easier, but he's too restless. After seeing where all of his choices have brought him, and knowing how fucked up it is to still be standing, he needs something. Just one thing. To clear the air. Whether they have hours left, or just seconds, he can't just sit here and live with it anymore.

"Come on Cas," Dean says, surging forward with an arm wave because it's the end of the world, God's dying in the Men of Letters library, and Rowena's looking for a teapot. So...fuck it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"How ya doin, Cas?"

_Stupid question, way to break the ice Winchester!_

Dean looked over at the angel, sitting there broken and defeated. It was all over him. He made a silent promise to himself, Cas, and Lucifer that if he ever found that fucker, he would make him regret every decision he's made since the dawn of time. This was not the same celestial being that had busted into that barn. In some ways, thank G-... Chuck for that, but this wasn't acceptable. It couldn't end like this.

"I was just so stupid, Dean, it was a mistake to think that I-"

"No. No, you weren't stupid. You made a move, the only move we had, and you were the only one who could do it. You saw that, I didn't. And I wouldn't have listened even if we'd talked about it, which would have just wasted more time." Dean needed to fix this, before it was too late.

"But it didn't work," Cas said dejectedly, as if that was all the proof needed to tell anyone what a failure he was.

_Aces so far, let's stall some more!_

_This is fucking hard, just give me a minute._

_Existence may be gone in a minute, you dipshit!_

"Look, Cas, part of being human is making mistakes. It happens. I've made plenty of em. It's what you do after that makes a difference, learning from them and doing better..."

_I'm waiting..._

_I'm getting there!_

"I let you down, Cas. I'm sorry for that."

"You haven't let me down. You've put up with far more than anyone should have to, and still forgive me. You still have faith in me, even though I don't deserve it."

"You had faith in me when I thought I didn't deserve it. You've always been there for me, for us. You're our family, Cas. And I want you to know that...."

_It's showtime, buddy, get a move on!_

_Ok, here goes..._

"Thank you, Dean."

_What?_

Cas was sitting there, that slight lopsided smile when something really gets through to him, and Dean choked. He smiled back with a reassuring nod, looking back out at the road.

_Don't you dare, mother fucker!_

_He's happy. It's ok._

_World ending!_

_Exactly, world ending, what's the point?_

_His father is dying._

 

 

"Cas....I'm in love with you."

There it was. Out in the open, air cleared, feelings exposed, world still ending. This little triumph was shallow and going to be short lived, but there it was. Still driving, staring at the road, hands gripped on the wheel, palms sweating, chest pounding, brain buzzing, and holy shit it was too damn quiet.

_Well, what did you expect? He's a fuckin angel. Probably has no interest in things like this, and even if he did he's seen every worst part of you! After eons of watching the best and worst creation has to offer and spending most of his existence fighting heavenly battles for the sake of all that's good, you really think he's gonna fall for a drunk, angry hunter with more issues than the entire porn industry?_

_Would you just fuck the fuck off already?_

_Why don't you try looking at him?_

_Blue. Damn if that's not the bluest blue to ever blue._

Cas was staring at him, eyes wide, boring straight into Dean's soul again, head tilted in that obnoxiously adorable way, and smiling. It was small, hesitant, like he wasn't sure if he was supposed to. Like he wasn't sure if he was allowed to. He was beautiful, radiant, everything that could be right with the world, in this small, timid package. It was hard to know what he was thinking on any given day, but at that moment, Dean knew. He had started crumbling in on himself a long time ago. Dean had been there, knew how deep those hooks could dig themselves in, but he had still let this happen. And in the same way Cas had shown Dean how much faith the angel had in him, he would have to show Cas.

Dean steered the impala to the shoulder, came to a stop, and turned off the engine. Turning in his seat, he looked straight into those eyes. He tried to see straight through and into his soul, and for a moment, he could have sworn he found it, and he was gonna rip it straight out of hell.

"Castiel, I have been in love with you for I don't even know how long. Maybe since the beginning. You gave me another chance, you gave me life, and I don't care if there was some bigger purpose at the time, it was you. You stayed. You had faith in me, and that scared me. You knew what I did in hell, you've seen me give up so many times, but you stayed. You stayed with me. You came back to me. You never gave up on me. And I don't know why the hell you would stick around to watch this shit show that is our lives, but every minute you're here is another minute I still have hope. You gave me a reason to believe, to have faith in myself, to keep fighting. Hell, you even gave me back Sam. Soulless or not. You gave me....everything. And you gave up everything-"

"Shut up."

_Was that you or me?_

Cas was looking at his hands, clenched up into fists. Dean's look of shock went unnoticed as he tried to compose himself, winding down from his adrenaline fueled emotional word vomit. He sat there, watching the angel, expecting him to fall apart, to deny every word, to lash out, to laugh even. He waited for it, for any of it, listening to his heart beat the death march against his ribs. What he didn't expect was-

"Took you long enough."

_Blue._

The bluest blue to ever blue was suddenly closing in on him. Within the skip of his heartbeat, hands had fisted into his jacket, his back crashed against the door, and heat swallowed him whole. Lips had met lips, not clumsily, not sloppily, as Dean would have expected from the dorky little guy, but like they were meant for each other. It was fierce, intense, full of passion and yearning. Hands smoothly crept up the back of Dean's head, sending shivers to every part of his body. He quickly made good use of his own hands, moving one to Cas's back to pull him in closer, tighter, the other to his hair, and oh fuck, that hair! Finally getting a hold of that hair and tangling his fingers through it like he never wanted to touch anything else for the rest of his life, which, granted, may not be much longer.

Well, that certainly wasn't a welcome thought. But suddenly Dean's legs had a mind of their own, the right curling up on the seat to get around Cas, pulling him forward into his lap in an awkward yet satisfying position, never losing contact with those perfect, swollen lips. Breathing was heavy, moans were loud, everything was tingling, and neither of them wanted to stop. So, of course, that's when Sam called.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean put the phone down and hesitated before looking over at his disheveled passenger. Cas was looking at him with soft eyes, a content smile on his blushing face. Dean knew, right then, that for the rest of the hours he had left on this planet, he had done something right. He could accept that.

"I love you, too, Dean."

That was all Dean needed. He started the engine back up again.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first fic. I've always enjoyed writing but never been brave enough to share it with the world. I've had plenty of ideas but none of them seem to pan out. Especially fanfic, mostly due to fear of rejection. But Supernatural and SPN fanfic have done so much for me, I wanted to at least give it a shot. Surprised myself with the lack of smut, since that's most of what I read, but it was a first go. We'll see if there are more. As I understand it, kudos and comments are how you show love, so let me know what you think and maybe I'll be brave enough to write more. :)
> 
> Also, I don't own anything and whatnot. Just my imagination. That's mine.


End file.
